the reason why
by lil.miss.Small-me-Big-ideas
Summary: "i'll stop tomorrow" i promised myself as i slid the cool blade once more against my inner thigh. "no baby you just need help. i'm gonna help you" "promise?" i asked as i held out my pinky. "promise!" he said as we shook them.


"I'll stop tomorrow" I promised myself as I slid the cool blade against my inner thigh once more. " I'm serious this time. This will be my last cut and then I'm done."

Sitting on the cool marble floor of my hospital rooms bathroom made me remember why I was doing this again.

Beck was in canada again, visiting family. I stayed in his rv whilst he was gone. He didn't care. I practically live there anyway.

School was shit. No change there. At least when beck is there with me it's easier to deal with. After my shit day of school, I had to go home. -Well. To my fathers house that is- to get some more clothes.

As I walked through the front door the scent hit me. He was high. Again. Okay all I had to do was sneak through the hallway past the lounge room to my room. Get my stuff and I was done. Easy.

But nothing in life is ever as easy as we hope.

Five steps and I was in my room. I could get my stuff and ild be gone. With out my father ever knowing I was in the house again.

Four steps.

Three steps.

Come on jade faster and quieter. I whispered to myself.

Two steps.

One step.

And I was at my door.

" and look who's decided to grace us with her presence. The little whore herself." my father said as he stumbled down the hallway.

" I'm just getting some clothes and I'll be gone. Three minutes tops." I said as I slowly backed into my room.

"NO! YOUR NOT GOING ANYWHERE WHORE. YOU RUINED MY LIFE!" he screamed as he lunged at me and started punching and kicking me.

He grabbed me by the hair and pulled me to the ground. And kicked me twice in the stomach for good measure. He tied my hands behind me with his belt, the buckle sticking into my wrist hard enough to draw blood. He pulled and pulled until there was a distinct pop as my shoulders were pulled out of place. I screamed. Hoping to god that someone would come and help me. But no one came.

He broke my right wrist as well. Slowly as if trying to make the pain last longer. Or maybe it was the fact that he was just so high it took him so long to shatter every bone in my wrist and then some.

I laid defenseless on the floor of my room as he punched me. To numb from the pain to actually do anything more. My shoulders were back in place now as I had learnt as a young child to roll them 360• but they still hurt a bitch.

I couldn't think of anything but beck. I was hoping maybe praying even that this was just a nightmare that in a minute ild wake up in beck's arms and he would kiss me and reassure me that everything was okay. Then we would make sweet love until we fell asleep from exhaustion in a sweaty tangle of limbs. Only to be awoken by our alarms letting us know that we have to return to reality only to do it the next night all over again.

Maybe thinking all this was why I was now imagining beck standing over me. My father passed out with a bloody face from being punched an knocked out.

I was imagining beck's gorgeous face asking me if I was alright and kissing my cheek. Telling me he would never leave me and I would be safe with him. I imagined him picking me up being careful of mr wrist and carrying me out of that house towards his car.

" last one" I said as the blade made one more final cut across my thigh.

"jade? Are you alright in there?" beck called from outside the door.

" yea hang on" I called.

" jade you've been in there for half an hour what are you doing in there?" he asked

" no-nothing I'm just on the toilet" I said a little to fast.

" no your not. I know when your lying to me baby. Are you cutting?"

I was about to reply when the door was unlocked and beck walked in.

" oh baby" he said as he came and sat next to me on the floor. " I thought you were gonna stop!"

" I was. I did. But- its just- its just to hard. This feels like the only way to get over it!" I cried as he held me into his chest.

" explain it to me baby." he said as he rocked us.

" it feels like I've got all these issues built up and When I cut. The blood that rushes out is the issues leaving my body". I whispered. " I'm so fucked up" I cried

" no baby you just need help. I'm gonna help you" he said a he hugged me and kissed my forehead.

"Promise?" I asked as I held out my pinky finger.

"promise!" he said as we shook pinkies and shared a kiss.

3 months later.

It's been three months since beck found me on the floor of the bathroom cutting.

As beck promised he has helped me through.

My dad was arrested for abuse in 4 different cases, and he was also filed for a 20 year old tape case and drug possession and selling on two cases all in all. My grandchildren will be very old before he is released.

In the past 3 months since the incident I haven't cut once and I'm proud of it.

We found better ways to get my issues and frustrations out.

So far in the past term of school we've missed a day or been really late 22 times. As we were busy getting my frustrations out. If you know what I mean.

We were happy. I was happy. And the next step for me. Is to officially become mrs jadelyn Oliver.

-.-.-.-.-.-.

Okay so I decided to write this as I have some experience with cutting and this story sort of just came to me. In the middle of class =). I seem to do most of my good writing in class. Maybe it's cause I get distracted easily so if I'm doing this I'm not getting detention.

Anyway. I hope you like it and I hope you can favorite this and me an read my other story 16 is my number. And I shall do some shout outs =).

Ex oh ex oh.

~ lil miss.


End file.
